Ugly
by Lillei
Summary: Life just isn't as beautiful as it is in the storybooks. Slash, RxS, FINISHED
1. 1

Hey everyone. This is a sequel, but it could be a stand-alone. Read I Only Come Out at Night for the first part. 

Dedication- To my favorite slash author, Chibi-Alania. It's all you! This is that story I promised you, a full-length proper one, slightly angst-y and with a Sirius/Remus ending.

Warnings- Slash and angst. Also some possibly disturbing way of looking at life in general.

Disclaimer- Song 'Ugly' and characters belong to J.K. Rowling and The Esties.

Are you ugly? A liar like me? A user, a lost soul? Someone you don't know? Money, it's no cure A sickness so pure Are you like me? Are you ugly?

Ugly

Chapter 1; Masked

Sirius stared into the mirror, the ugliness of just being _him_ staring back at him, accusatory, judgmental. It wasn't just his bad family name, or his lies, or his haughty arrogance. It was something else, some ugly hardness behind his cold, unfeeling gray eyes. It was a mask.

Sirius knew that they were all masked, all hidden inside their outwardly appearances. They all knew, all the marauders, that there was something else, something deep below the surface that at times stood out, but most of the time stayed quietly hidden beneath their jokes and fun. It wasn't as if they were totally different people beneath their masks…no, they were a mix of each, none of them sure where the mask began and the true them began. They didn't even know who their true selves were.

Sirius glared into the mirror some more. He was tired of pretending he wasn't bitter about his family. He was tired of pretending he was so different than them because he knew- he knew! - he wasn't. There was always that evil drifting below the surface that he was scared to let out. The only real difference between him and his family was that he knew how to control his evil.

That was another thing he had to hide- his fright. He was scared, so scared, that he would end up like them. That he would be sucked into their lies and cheats, into their dirty deeds. That was what he hid the most- his fear.

Sirius glared down at the floor, his heart overwhelmed with hate for his mask. He knew that Remus had a mask too, something that made him feel closer to the werewolf than ever before. He was glad there was someone slightly like him, someone whose mask was just as ugly.

Remus's mask was more delicate than any of the others. If his mask got was peeled away, people would hate him, hurt him. Because the real Remus, the person behind the mask, was so intricate, so layered, that no one would really understand him. Because Remus liked the wolf, loved the feeling of being strong and indestructible, of running like the wind and understand things that others didn't. And that would make people hate him.

It wasn't that Remus liked the pain of transforming, or the blood lusts. It was that he loved the wind in his tail, the feelings of knowing, in a way that no human ever could. It was a feeling that was only shadowed by turning into an animagus, so that Sirius and the others could never fully understand.

Remus examined people. He probably knew the masks of everyone, knew what they were hiding, because his eyes were always watching, his mind calculating. He knew, and it could have been a weapon, but he never used it that way. Never. He just…knew and that caused in him an acceptance, an understanding, that the others could never fully grasp.

Remus wanted to be unmasked though. He wanted the world to know the real him. He wanted the marauders, at least, to understand him for now. So he slowly unmasked himself, never denying the things the other's found out, like the fact that he was a werewolf, or gay. Sirius wished he could do that. He wondered if he did, if Remus would like him as more than I friend, then wondered why he cared.

Sirius turned away from the mirror, from the ugly, accusatory stare of it. He began to walk away, but suddenly turned back, flinging his fist into the glass.

---  
From the dorm room, Remus heard the glass shatter. His head shot up and he walked from the room as if in a trance, ignoring the imploring calls of James and Peter, whose human ears had obviously not heard the noise. The boys' restroom was a small circular room at the very top of the tower, accessible to all years. Since Sirius, Remus, James, and Peter were all sixth years and their dorm was close to the top, it didn't take long for him to get to the room and open the door. He knew Sirius had been taking a shower, and wondered if the noise had anything to do with him. He wouldn't be surprised if it did.

When he opened the door, he was not at all surprised to see Sirius standing in the middle of the room in a towel, looking rather dazed. What he was surprised to see was the shattered mirror, littering the floor around him in shiny little squared and diamonds, all potentially dangerous and ready to lodge themselves into Sirius's feet.

"What happened?" he asked, and then added "don't move."

Sirius stopped and pulled his foot back. "The mirror broke."

"I'm aware of that," Remus snorted. "But how?" He could see Sirius was in one of his angsty moods and wished he could help him. "Did you break it?"

Sirius shrugged.

"You did, huh? Why?"

"'Cause…I'm ugly."

Remus snorted and joked. "Yeah, yeah you are. And you kinda smell. And have you ever thought about shaving your toes? The hair's getting awfully long and curly."

"Shut up Remus," Sirius said, but he was smiling. "Just because you have back hair doesn't mean you need to be bitter. I mean…my fakeness is ugly, you know?"

"Your mask, you mean?" They had cautiously had this conversation before, and Remus loved having them. They were a mental challenge, a refreshing conversation about something men such as them selves often hid from- feelings and emotions and their fears. It was real and physiological and it fascinated Remus.

"Yeah. It's real ugly."

"Really ugly, Sirius. They correct term is really." Sirius swooped down and picked up a bit of glass, pretending to throw it at him. Remus grinned and pulled out his wand, repairing the mirror with a flick of his wrist.

"Come along Sirius, be an obedient boy and get dressed. Some of us have lives we must get back to you know," Remus said patronizingly. Sirius gave a convincing growl and shrugged into his clothes, before attacking Remus.

"I've got a life!" he yelled laughingly. Remus tackled him back, and their laughter echoed off the high tiled walls, a break from the lives. A break from reality.


	2. 2

We are dirt We are alone You know we're far from sober? We are fake We are afraid You know it's far from over We are dirt We are alone You know we're far from sober? Look closer Are you like me? Are you ugly?

Chapter 2

Sirius blinked blearily against the morning sun, which streamed across the couch. He sat up and gazed around, figuring he must have fallen asleep the night before as they made their plans for the next full moon, which was that night.

He looked around at the others, scrawled in strange positions around the room. James was propped half on the floor and half on the couch, his neck and head twisted at a strange angle so that he would stay balanced, his face stressed and twisted. Peter was curled in an armchair near by, a desperate look on his face as he struggled in the clutches of a dream. And Remus was curled at the end of the couch, his body mimicking that of a sleeping wolf.

Remus looked frail in his sleep, Sirius thought. His normal optimistic face had vanished, replaces with a determined frown that seemed desperate for simple survival. Frail in that he was exposed; strong in that same way. He was comfortable being himself. Strong, but frail; a contradiction like Remus himself.

It was then that Sirius noticed the scratches. There were three of them; they were fresh and parallel to each other. He leaned closer. They were thin and shallow, but abnormally placed bloody.

Remus jerked awake suddenly and Sirius fell back, his heart pounding.

"What're you doing?" Remus snapped, pulling his sleeves down.

"Nothing! Honest. Just trying to wake you up," Sirius said.

"Well it worked," Remus said, his anger all ready gone, though there was a weariness in his eyes and he protected his arm with the other. Sirius frowned and watched him, as he made excuses for himself and left to change.

Remus avoided his eyes all day. James seemed to feel the tension and made forced conversation all day, his hazel eyes jumping from Remus to Sirius and back again. At lunch he forced the two to sit by each other and stared when Remus sat, reluctantly, but picked at his food.

"C'mon, Moony, it's roast beef. Your favorite. And look- yummy yams!" James waved the serving food in front of his nose. "Oh come on! Whatever you two are fighting about couldn't be all that bad."

"We're not fighting!" they both hastily answered. The sincerity in their answers confused James, and he looked back and forth.

"Then why are you avoiding each other? And not talking? Huh?"

"We're not!" Sirius said huffily. "We're not." And that was the end of it. But they still hadn't met the other's eyes.

By that night, Sirius couldn't take it anymore. He cornered Remus as he was coming out of the shower, his eyes staring forcefully into his face, trying not to drift to his arm.

"What's on your arm Remus?" he asked, accusation laced through his tone.

"Nothing," Remus said shortly, trying to push past him.

"Hippogriff feces! There's three lines, all parallel and equally placed and stuff! What are they?"

Remus said nothing.

"Did you do that to yourself, Remus? Did you?"

"Yes," Remus said, eyes lowered. "Can I go now?"

"But…why?"

"Because…I wanted to."

Sirius knew this wasn't the real reason, but ignored that, instead sweeping Remus into a hug. His wet hair pressed into Sirius face and his clothes, slightly damp, stuck to him. He let go quickly in typical guy fashion.

"I'm always here for you. And don't do it again!"

Remus smiled, and then bit his lip.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. But don't do it again, okay? Ever."

"I know."

Sirius looked at him, his heart twisting painfully. He could only hope Remus would stick to his word…he only wished he could show him a good time…

"Hey, I know. Let's go to Hogsmeade. Have some fun. Forget about school. It's Friday!"

Remus grinned slightly.

"Getting drunk is not going to help me. It'll make me more messed up."

"What're you saying about me?" Sirius asked, mock suspicious. Remus laughed.

"C'mon. You gotta have someone there to make sure you don't drink too much. I can't believe I'm letting you do this…" Remus mumbled. Sirius grinned and pulled him along.

"We're messed up Remus. We have to counter that with more insane things, or else the first insane things will take us over. At least this way, we'll control our messed up-ness."

Remus frowned.

"That's the most insane logic-"

"Oh well."

"I've ever heard and-"

"Who cares?"

"Really doesn't make any sense-"

"Cloak, gotta find the cloak…"

"Are you listening to me? Sirius. Sirius?" Sirius turned to him.

"Huh?" Remus sighed, a big fake sigh.

"We'll go out drinking, but just this once. No more. We have to fix ourselves. No one's going to do it for us."

Sirius grinned. "Okay. But let's wait 'til we're good and drunk before we start making deals with ourselves." Remus shook his head and ducked under the cloak. Sirius scribbled a hasty note and then ducked under as well. And they were off.

---

Several hours later, Sirius was more drunk than ever before and even Remus was wobbling a bit. It took a lot for a werewolf to get even slightly drunk, but the high and mighty effect was quite worth it, he thought…and then he scolded himself for sounding like Sirius.

Speaking of which, Sirius was waddling over, doing an impression of a penguin. Random, thought Remus. Very random.

"Hiya Remy. Do you know that penguins have a special dance they do to steal sanity. Yep, it goes like this!" Sirius waddled a bit more, and did some hopping things. "Yep, that fine looking lady over there told me. Yep!" He pointed to a dark space. Remus squinted.

"Sirius…that's a door frame! You learned a dance from a door frame!"

"Yep, yep…yep," Sirius giggled.

"Okay, man, I think it's time we went home…"

"No! NO NO NO! I don't wanna go home. I don't wanna!" Sirius yelled, pushing Remus away so that he tottered dangerously.

"Wee!" Remus gasped as he fell down. Sirius caught him under the arms.

"Whoops."

"C'mon, Sirius, we have to go home!"

"But we haven't talked about our feelings yet. Let's go talk about our feelings. What's you're favorite color?" Sirius pulled Remus towards a booth.

"Umm…blue…?"

"Red and gold, Remus! IT'S RED AND GOLD!"

"Shhhhh, they're going to know we're from Hogwarts…"

"Oh, oh yeah. I like red best, over gold. But you know what I hate? I hate my family. They're all a bunch of muggle hating horrors. You know, once my dad hit me so hard I couldn't get out of bed for a week. And when I could, I still had to do all the chores I'd missed. But that's nothing compared to what mamma did to me that one time…why, I still have the burn scars!"

Remus listened closely- or as closely as his intoxicated mind would allow him. Sirius didn't talk much about his family, and even drunk he tried to make a joke out of it, tried to keep that protective mask.

"But you know, I get tired of them hating me. Sometimes, I wish my family would just love me, life regular families do. Sometimes, I want to be bad, just so they'll like me." Remus tried not to let the shock show on his face.

"That's okay," he slurred, trying to be comforting. "That's okay. My da left when he found out about me. And my mom sent the twins away and goes to visit them more than she sees me! Lives at my grans except on the week of the full moon."

"Whoa…"Sirius looked shocked. "That's awful. Aw. Full. Awful, awful, awful…" The alcohol was taking over his mind. He leaned forward and gave Remus a clumsy hug. "I'm glad we talked about our feelings. Now we know more about each other!"

Remus laughed. "Now can we go home?"

"Uh-uh! Not 'til you dance with me."

Remus knew it was wrong. Knew Sirius hadn't admitted to not being strait, not even to himself, and probably didn't know what he was doing. But for some reason, he found himself agreeing, walking out onto the dance floor. The song was fast and the beat rocked deep inside of him, and in the crowd it was hard to tell that they were dancing together. Until, of course, Sirius kissed him.

It was hard and beautiful, needy and leading, all at the same time. Remus leaned into it, forgetting logic for a moment. Alcohol, he mentally blamed, even though he knew he hadn't drank that much. It's the alcohol part.

A sudden fist slammed into his ear.

"Ow!" he cried out, hearing Sirius's own yelp of pain.

"Get outta here, we don't want you're kind around! Get you…" Sirius and Remus stumbled out of the bar.

"Pansy! Faerie! Homo!" The words were screamed out after them. Sirius fell to the ground, giggling, and for some reason, Remus had to laugh too.

"You…you know what's funny? It's…it's…it's the truth! What they yell! Hahaha…" Sirius was laughing so hard water was streaming from his eyes. Remus giggled.

"You're strait," he reminded him, almost forgetting the kiss in the pounding of his head and the pain from the rising bruise.

"I'm bi-sex-ual." Sirius giggled. "I'ma gonna tell everyone. Bu-sex-ual."

"If we ever get home," Remus giggled, ignoring the pleasure filling his stomach at Sirius's words, trying to remember that it was probably just the alcohol.

Sirius leaned over and kissed him again.

"We will eventually."

They were still laying in the middle of the road. 


	3. 3

Turn my blind eye 

Why do I deny?

Medicate me

So I die happy

A strain of cancer

Chokes the answers

Are you like me?

A liar like me?

Remus woke with a start, shielding his eyes from a blinding light that penetrated his scull. He blinked and tried not to fall back into the bed; his room was spinning and McGonagall's face was floating- _McGonagall's face?_

Blanching, Remus collapsed back into the four-poster of what must have been the hospital wing. A groaning from his left told him Sirius had awoke as well. A retching sound filled the air, but McGonagall didn't seem too worried. Unceremoniously, she ripped back Sirius's curtains as well, so that Remus and he were facing each other.

"What were you doing _at four in the mornin_g, drunk and _asleep_, in the _middle of Hogsmeade?"_ McGonagall raged, her voice cutting through Remus's scull.

"_Well_, Professor," Sirius started, but was silenced quickly by McGonagall's enraged shout. Clutching his head, he fell back into the pillows silently.

"I don't want excuses. No more Hogsmeade trips for the rest of the year, for either of you! And you're each to write an essay on the meaning of responsibility. And _you_!" She rounded furiously on Remus, her eyes enraged. He shrunk back. "A prefect! Your badge is hence forth suspended!"

"But professor!" Sirius gasped. "Remus- it's not Remus's fault- he's not ever broken any other prefect rules-"

"Silence!" She fell silent herself, considering. "You have a point. Suprisingly. All right. Mr. Lupin, until further notice you are on probation and will do all your duties with a _responsible_ prefect. Perhaps Mr. Snape."

"Aw, but Professor-"

"Keep quiet Mr. Black! In addition, I want to see both of you tonight in the dungeons."

Thinking of the musty old dungeons, rarely used except to hold extra potions ingredients, made Remus turn a delicate green. The chains dangling from the ceiling, though no longer used, still made him slightly nervous- and he could almost smell the metallic polish, the mold, and the dust.

He leaned over the bed, gagging.

"Or perhaps," McGonagall said, stepping back deliberately, "tomorrow night."

"How come you didn't invite us?" James wailed. "Sounds like you had a spanking good time!" Remus grinned.

"Can't remember much," Sirius said, but there was a grin lingering on his face, and he winked at Remus. "So you guys…heard about those _penguins_ yet?" He got up, fully ready to demonstrate the 'dance' he had learned last night, but Remus groaned and pulled him back down.

"Please, not that again!"

James pouted, a sullen expression on his face. But then he brightened, a devilish expression on his face.

"Meet any nice girls, Padfoot? And Moony, how's the homosexual action up there?"

"Is none!" Remus choked hastily, same time Padfoot gulped "no girls, no girls." James raised his eyebrows and then sat back in his chair.

"Whatever you say. According to the rumors, you two got kicked out, were found lying in the streets. So I guess you didn't exactly get any last night." Sirius placed a clumsy cuff around his head and Remus made a scandalized noise.

"Besides, maybe I didn't want to find any girls," Sirius said, off handedly. James laughed, thinking he was joking. Peter gave him a strange, wide-eyed look, then giggled shrilly.

"I'm…not kidding." Sirius said, perplexed.

"What? But you…and Remus too…no way!"

"Sirius," Remus said uncomfortably, "is bisexual. Which is what he's trying to say. That he's bisexual. I mean…yeah."

James guffawed. "But…but…you were the one most…umm…_uncomfortable_ with Remus's revelation, and-"

"What?" Remus turned around sharply.

"Not that any of us cared," James said quickly. "And he got over it right quick enough. I mean, just the initial shock and all, he seemed a little scandalized…but no worse than when we worked out that you were a werewolf, and he got over that right well too- I mean, he's always been there for you and came with the animagus idea-"

"What?" Remusrepeated, turning to Sirius for confrontation, but he was glaring angrily at James.

"Thanks James, thanks _so much_! Now he thinks I had a problem with him being a werewolf, and that I'm some kind of bloody hypocrite-"

"I know what I think, thanks!" Remus said angrily, jumping up and grabbing Sirius's shoulder, forcing him to look at him. People were starting to watch them. "_What_?" Remus snapped. They hastily looked down.

"It was my _upbringing_. I mean, it was only second year, I was stupid, you know…and I wasn't disgusted, just shocked and trying to cover up my own…feelings…so-" Sirius stumbled.

"So you decided to alienate me!" Remus shouted. People were stealing glances at them.

"Hey now, that's not what I meant, guys now, let's talk this out rationally-"

"Shut up!" They both shouted at James. Peter got up and slunk up the stairs. Remus, glaring at Sirius, whirled around and followed him. Sirius threw himself into his armchair, hands shaking, with rage or hurt, even he didn't know.

"I'm sorry," James, said, uncharacteristically serious and humble. Sirius sighed, but looking at him, felt his sorrow.

"It's all right, Prongs." James still looked guilty. "Hey, Prongs, it's okay. But keep up that humility. Lily has got to come around soon with you being so humane and stuff." James worked up a small smile. Sirius gave him a quick one-armed hug, before breaking off and fixing his hair, trying to look uncaring.

"So are you going to go talk to him?" James asked.

"Are you kidding?" Sirius snorted, incredulous. "I tried to explain but he wouldn't have any of it. He just needs to see it my way, I was stupid, but I came around and if he can't accept that, then he's being immature! I can't change how I acted, what does he want me to do, go back in time?"

James shook his head, an exasperated smile on his face. "Your pride will be the death of you. But whatever you say, Padfoot. C'mon…let's go…ogle girls…or guys…or whatever." James grinned and Sirius did as well. They walked out.Both were walking heavy.  
-  
Remus had locked himself into the bathroom. A thin razor was held in his hand, his breath ragged. He remembered how he had told Sirius he wouldn't do it again, howgray eyes had blared into his. He remembered the feeling of his warm lips on his, of their bodies side by side…and then he remembered what James had let slip…

But his fingers became numb, dropping the razor. He stood quickly, kicking it under the shower wall. He heard it fall down the drain slats and walked out, but the urge lingered.

Prefect duties that night were horrific. Snape was gloating, though silently. His smirk said it all though, and Remus kept his head down as they prowled the halls, so as to not meet his eyes. Snape's hair seemed particularly greasy and shiny that night, and Remus had to force himself not to say anything.

"So Lupin…hear you got yourself drunk with that no good, traitorous, might-as-well-be-muggle-born-friend of yours. Well…_ex_-friend, I suppose. Oh yes," he said seeing Remus's shocked look. "I know all about your fight. Word travels fast, does it not? I hear he betrayed you…wasn't supporting you…though in what, I wonder?" Snape grinned silkily and Remus suddenly wanted to punch him.

His diplomatic skills told him Snape didn't realize how inhumane he was being, didn't realize that the territory he was treading on was more dangerous than the normal inter-house rivalries. Of course he was going to gloat in a situation like this, of course he wasn't really being evil-

Remus's feral side won out and he rounded furiously on the Slytherin, his hand reaching for the sallow neck, the other for his wand.

"_Just be quiet_," he snarled, and Snape stood still, black eyes boring into his. Finally, he nodded, true to the Slytherin style of backing down when one doesn't have the upper hand. As soon as Remus let go and put his wand away, however, Snape pinned him to the wall. He was sandwiched between two candle brackets and Snape's body.

"Let's get this strait. I am supervising you and reporting back to McGonagall. I suggest you keep your temper in check." Remus nodded stiffly, but Snape didn't let go.

Remus raised his eyebrows at the dark haired boy.

"I am simply savoring the feeling of being the winner," Snape said, uncharacteristically honest. Remus frowned, but said nothing. Slowly, Snape released him. Suddenly, his hand was back over his throat.

"Beg," he commanded. Remus frowned.

"Beg," Snape repeated. Remus was almost impressed; Severus was crafty indeed and true to the Slytherin way of life. Slytherins, he knew, didn't get revenge; they got even.

"You don't want to see me humiliated, Severus. After all, I have never pulled a prank on you, never laughed at your misfortune or victimization. I have done nothing. It's not me your bitter with."

"And that is worse. You are evasive. I cannot understand you. You do not _hate_ me; you are not on my side. You don't stand up for me when you could, but you know I would be angry and prideful if you did so. I cannot understand who you are and _I hate it_. Beg, so that I know you are only human."

"But Severus," Remus said quietly, a whisper in his ear, a shadow in the dark. "I am not human." In a movement, he was in the hall, behind Snape, who whirled around.

"Fair enough," he hissed. "But be warned. I am not done yet. I will prove your humanity."

Remus looked at him, eyes glowing strangely in the dark.

"I think you will find that you cannot."

"If you were not a Gryffindor, I could almost be your ally," he begrudgingly admitted.

"If you were not a Slytherin, my opinion would not change," Remus said, and they continued down the hall,tension between them.

Several hours later, Severus and Remus were prowling the towers, looking for late night lovers. They had scared a group of fourth years that had been giggling and playing around in one of the lower classrooms of the astronomy tower. In two of the classrooms closer to the top, they had scared off several Hufflepuff girls and a Ravenclaw, as well as a two Slytherins who Snape had been tempted to ignore and a lone wanderer who claimed to be sleepwalking. All had walked off with a detention slip. Soon they were nearing the top of the tower.

Wild noises were issuing from inside. With a glance and an eye roll, the pair burst into the room, lighting the lamps as the did so.

And there _he_ was. Sweaty, half-dressed, beautiful Sirius, with some young girl, his black hair soaked, his shoulders bleeding, panting like the dog he was. The girl looked up, screeched, and hurried to adjust her skirt; she could only have been a fourth year, looking incredibly young now that her mascara and eyeliner has run with sweat. She looked..._used_.Remus stumbled back, glancing at Snape.

"I think you can handle this. It's gotta be some kind of conflict of interest for me to be involved-" he mumbled, walking out of the room and collapsing outside the door.

Minutes later, Sirius walked by, head held high, acting like he didn't see Remus sitting there. In his hand were several pink detention slips. The girl scurried out later. She had cried some more and looked even younger now that Severus had forced her to put on his cloak. It was then that he realized that she was Severus's cousin; the black hair and eyes were unmistakable. She wasn't being let off though; in her hand were four slips and, Remus was sure, a promise of a letter home.

Severus came out, and watched Remus clamor to his feet.

"I've found your weakness," he said almost gently.

"Which does not prove my humanity. Even the wildest of animals can die."

"But you crave stability. Loyalty. True friendship. You crave…_him_."

"_Do you wish to destroy me_?" Remus asked harshly.

"No," Severus said quietly. "To understand."

Sirius groaned and rolled over. Remus still had not come back,and the clock said it wasnearlyfour.He didn't know why he cared, he couldmess around with girls if he wanted to! He didn't belong to Remus, he didn't even like Remus…or did he? Sirius shook his head, too confused, too uncertain.

Did he like Remus? Did he care that they were fighting? Well, of course he didn't, Remus was the one being so immature, so _why in Merlin's name was he sitting here waiting for him to come back to bed?_

Shaking his head, he buried it under the pillow.

Severus was confused. He knew Remus's weakness, had proved his humanity, knew an incredible scandalous secret, but yet…he could not make himself take advantage of it. He'd heard of wizards like Remus of course, but could not wrap his mind around the fact that there actually was such a person, such a preference! And in not immediately using the information, though he tried to convince himself he was saving it for blackmail, he was forced to admit that in way, he liked Remus.

Respect him, he corrected himself. Slytherins liked no one but themselves, and perhaps those they married. Perhaps. But he knew that Remus was not all bad, as shocked as he was by what he had learned tonight. He still could not quite fathom it all.

But there was something, a leverage to turn him against the man who he had begrudgingly allied. Sirius Black. The thorn in his shoe, the heat in his fire. The man was incompetent, impudent, and treacherous, not be trusted by anyone.

And he knew that if ever there came a time where he could bait the Black, he would use this information against him, no matter how it hurt Remus.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys. Long time, no chapter. I have to say, I was slacking off. But I'm back, and I'm more dedicated than ever.

Just another reminder- after I finish Ugly I will be taking a break from slash, k?

That said, thanks for reviewing. Writing Ugly has been so fun and so deep that I just kinda want to stop on that good note. I know it's been a while, but I personally think this chapter is written quite a bit better than the others. Remember, this is only a six chapter story, so we're nearing the end.

Disc- Not mine_

* * *

We are dirt _

_We are alone_

We are dirt 

_You know we're far from sober?_

_We are fake_

_We are afraid_

_You know it's far from over_

_We are dirt_

_We are alone_

_You know we're far from sober?_

_Look closer_

_Are you like me?_

_Are you ugly?_

* * *

The air was heavy the next morning as the boys dressed. James was apologizing again, but they brushed him off. Sirius was acting as haughty and high as any king, while Remus made forcibly polite conversation with everyone save Sirius, who he treated like a particularly annoying portrait. 

Sirius stole a glance at Remus, who was dressing quickly. He caught sight of _those_ cuts, still slightly scabby.

He wanted to apologize, wanted to run over and beg for mercy, but he didn't. Remus finished dressing and left, as Sirius stood there frozen, watching him.

"You _might_ keep you pride, but you will loose something much more important." James said pointedly, clapping Sirius on the shoulder. "Tell him how you really feel."

"That's just the problem!" Sirius roared. "I don't know how I feel."

"Of course you do," Peter piped up. "You're his friend and you made a mistake and now you feel bad so you need to apologize." The shortest boy rolled his eyes as if it were obvious while Sirius and James shared a glance of their own.

"No Pete…you just don't get it." Sirius sunk down onto his bed.

"But I- oh." Peter looked at him, pity on his face. Sirius reflected it was the first time he had ever received such a look from Peter and stood abruptly.

"Let's go," he said. There's quidditch practice at ten, and I need to finish my weekend homework. Plus I have detention tonight." He sighed and the others followed him out.

* * *

Severus was prowling the halls again. He had prefect duty in an hour but he always liked to start early, just to keep people on their toes. 

Up ahead of him, he saw an offending black head, bowed and studying the cracks, alone in the charms hallway. Surprised at the lack of admirers and friends, Severus snorted.

"What do you want _Snape_?" The boy said with a sigh, turning slightly.

"Alone and loitering, I see. I believe I could give you a detention for that."

"I'm going to detention," Sirius said stiffly.

"Going the long way, eh? Well, I suppose I would want to avoid Lupin as well if I was as unintelligent as you."

"Be quiet Snape. Our business is not yours. Obviously."

"That's funny, because Lupin seemed eager to talk about it last night."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked, turning sharply. "You and Remus are not friends!"

"Well of course not," Severus said haughtily. "What an idea! Half blood and Gryffindor to boot! But really, he's quiet pathetic. Of course he just needed someone better than him to pretend to listen to him, give him some time to blow off steam. Reminds me of an abused house elf." Severus only felt a slight bit of guilt.

"Shut up!"

"Oh, I see I've hit a sensitive spot," Severus sneered. "Well, I wonder why. This can't simply be over a fight…perhaps it had something to do with your _little_ presentation last night, eh? But why in heaven's name would that bother Lupin?" Sirius glared, a growl growing low in his throat.

"Shut up! Just be quiet. You don't know what you're talking about," Sirius commanded through gritted teeth. Severus smiled.

"Oh, but I do. Lupin must be quite the animal to be attracted to you." Severus had the pleasure of watching Sirius turn several shades lighter than his normal color.

"Oh?" He asked, trying to play it cool. "And what made you think that?"

Severus gave an oily laugh.

"Don't be silly. He was oh-so-pathetic when he blurted out the truth. I mean, he was practically begging me-"

"Shut up!" Sirius burst out. "Just shut up!"

"And you're quite the animal as well," Severus said, watching as Sirius grew more distressed.

"Shut your mouth! Remus wouldn't have told you any of that!"

"Hmm. Obviously, he did. What baffles me is how you get away with it. I mean, where do you meet where you don't get found out. Towers? Classrooms? The grounds?"

Sirius tensed.

"Don't you go near that tree! Just stay away from it, and the tunnel, and the branch, and just _stay away_ next Wednesday, _just stay away_!"

Severus stopped dead. Had he missed something, were the two of them even discussing the same scandal? Suddenly he wasn't so sure.

"What are you babbling about, Black?" He asked, nose high. Sirius paled further.

"I-what are you talking about?"

"I was simply referring to Remus's little crush, and your apparently indecisive feelings."

Sirius stumbled backwards, fear and disbelief on his face. He tripped and didn't get up, too dizzy and too shocked. Severus turned on his heel and walked away. Sirius lay his head back against the stone wall, a strong feeling of distress boiling up in him. It was only later that he realized he was late to detention.

* * *

Severus Snape was a crafty man. Adding that to his superior intelligence, his lust for knowledge, and his contempt for Sirius Black, it was inevitable that he would decipher the conversation he and Black had just had. Quickly, he rushed through his common room and into the private sanctuary of a bedroom. 

He hastily pulled out a pensive, sent to him illegally by his sister. Well, Severus mused, most likely illegal. He'd never known his sister to do anything by the rules.

Severus placed his wand to his temple, bringing back the conversation with precise detail. Slowly, he pulled the memory towards the pensive and watched the thoughts fall gracefully into it. He extracted parchment from his bed, sucked the end of his quill, and then, he set about reliving the moment.

After a while, Severus's parchment was filled with writing. Though he knew little more than he had earlier, he thought there was a way he might find out.

_'"Don't you go near that tree! Just stay away from it, and the tunnel, and the branch, and just stay away next Wednesday, just stay away!"'_

What had that meant? There was only one tree on the grounds that would be able to conceal a tunnel without being easily found out, but how in heaven's name would anyone get under the Whomping Willow?

_'"Just stay away from it, and the tunnel, and the branch-'"_

The branch? Severus thought back carefully. That had been what he'd said. Flipping through some of the books perched on the dorm bookshelf, Severus soon found what he was looking for in A Variety of Unusual and Dangerous Facts.

_'Whomping Willows, though by far one of the most dangerous plants, can be easily subdued. Simply, there is a knot in the trunk of every tree that, when pressed, will freeze the tree for a several minutes.'_

Of course! A branch would be needed to reach the knot in the tree's trunk.

Something was obviously happening Wednesday, something in the tunnel under the tree. And Severus was desperate to find out.

* * *

Sirius stumbled upright, moving quickly down the hall. He had to hurry; he was late 

When Sirius finally got to the dungeon, it was to find both McGonagall and Remus staring at him, McGonagall infuriated, Remus annoyed.

* * *

Remus couldn't believe it when Sirius sauntered in thirty minutes late looking lost and slightly confused. But, looking closer, Remus saw that there was no twinkle in Sirius's eye, no smile lingering at the corners of his mouth. Real regret seemed to seep from him. 

"I'm sorry I'm late," he muttered, offering no explanation.

"For that, Mr. Black, you and Mr. Lupin shall be in here an hour longer than planned." Remus blanched, but knew better than to argue. "The jarred potion ingredients need dusting. The floor needs a good sweep and mop, and the candle brackets! Dust those as well. Anything else you can do to make this room spotless will be much appreciated." With a wave of her wand, cleaning supplies appeared. With another, their wands were in her hand.

"I'll be back in a few hours. Enjoy." She locked the door behind her.

Remus stood furiously and rounded on Sirius.

"It's bad enough I have detention with you, now you've prolonged it! Why in Merlin's name are you so impertinent? Do you not know anything about responsibilities? I suppose you were off gallivanting with some fourth year Slytherin again. You know that if we were seventh years that would be illegal, you dim-witted, treacherous, cold-hearted beast!"

Sirius stared at him, scared. He should tell him now, tell him what he said and how he didn't mean to. But that would mean first apologizing and he couldn't do that. He sat heavily on the floor and sighed.

"Oh, make a scene!" Remus scoffed. "Sirius, wha-. Sirius?" Something in Sirius's lost eyes said that he wasn't being dramatic, that something really was wrong.

"Sirius! What have you done? Who'd you get in a fight with now?"

"Snape…I won though." Remus snorted slightly.

"Well…" he said awkwardly. He was still angry with Sirius, after all.

"Do you still hate me, Moony?" Sirius asked. "'Cause if you do I still hate you too!" Remus shook his head in exasperation and turned from Sirius.

"Quiet, Sirius." Remus said with a small humph.

"I'm serious Moony. You just wouldn't listen when I told my reasons, we could be friends again!"

"_Be quiet,_ Sirius." He set about dusting the room while Sirius sat quietly, watching him with penetrating eyes. Remus finished with the candle brackets and most of the jarred potions before Sirius struggled to his feet.

"I'll help," he muttered. .

"Good," he said bitingly.

Sirius reached for a bucket and set about scrubbing the floor.

"Remus," Sirius said with a sigh, turning to him in as patronizing a manner as he could. "You mustn't keep up with this silence thing. I've explained to you my reasons-"

"And they suck." Remus said flatly. "Really hard."

"But those are my reasons and you're being terribly immature not to accept them!" Sirius stuttered indignantly.

"Can't you just admit that your actions were wrong and apologize?" Remus said calmly. "I never asked for _reasons_."

With a small condescending smile, Remus turned to Sirius. He could almost see the thoughts underneath that perfectly parted, slightly tousled, shiny black hair. If, on one hand, he apologized, he would be loosing the pride he so dearly cherished, but gaining back a friend. Or, on the other, he could continue to be stubborn in hopes that Remus would eventually break, and keep his pride firmly intact.

"I'm not going to break down, you know," Remus said helpfully.

"Well I'm not going to…_not_ apologize," Sirius said, suddenly looking as though all the fight had gone out of him.

"Was that an apology?" Remus asked burningly.

"An…attempted one. I'm sorry Moony." Remus sighed.

"It's…all right I suppose." Sirius somehow could tell it wasn't.

"What's wrong Moony? What else can I do?" Sirius fought to keep the sulking, defensive tone from his voice.

"It's just…you shared something with me. Some really deep information. And then you kissed me."

Sirius started, and then blushed.

"Then we were fighting. And then you were with some girl."

Sirius looked shamefully at the ground.

"And I just don't know what to think."

"Well it's not as if I like her or anything!" Sirius said with disdain. "A Slytherin and a Snape as well!"

"Then why were you having sex with her?" Remus asked.

"It's not as if you own me!" Sirius said defensively. Remus colored. "And I'm not claiming to! But I am your friend and you owe me an explanation. You never seem all the interested in girls, ever! They ogle you and flirt and smile and you always seem haughty and above. But you still steal away with them once the corridors are dark. _One night stand?_ You don't even give them that. Fifteen minute stand. And now with a girl who you despise? At least you normally converse with the person a bit!"

Sirius glared at him sulkily, folding his arms. "We all are a little confused about you Sirius, you have to let us in!"

"It's a facade, okay? I have to do everything, anything, to hide who I am! What if they saw through it, saw the real me? I have to act unconcerned and then give them a thrill, it's what I do!"

"But _Aradia_? Severus's cousin?"

"She was available," Sirius sulked.

"She's fourteen! You are sixteen. Were you just trying to hurt Severus and I?"

"Yes! Yes I was. You were mad and I was mad that you were mad, and hurt, and jealous and I wanted to make you feel as miserable as I did"

"I did," Remus said sharply. "I do." Sirius stopped.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"I forgive you. I know how hard it is for you to say that. You're on probation." Sirius looked at him carefully.

"I missed you," Remus said simply.

"You too Moony."

"But that still doesn't explain…where we are," Remus said hesitantly, not meeting Sirius's eyes. Sirius looked at him.

"Remus, there's one other way that I've hurt you. And you'll find out how soon enough. So…I don't know where we are, because by Thursday morning you are going to hate me."

Remus was stunned. He stared at Sirius, at the ashamed expression that marred his features, at the bowed head and the slumped body and suddenly he thought he knew why Sirius seemed so off when he walked in.

"What happened with Severus?" he asked, levelly, but with the appropriate amount of fear mixed in.

And Sirius just looked at him.

"You don't want to know," he mumbled.

"I do," Remus said seriously.

"I-told-Snape-how-to-get-into-the-Whomping-Willow," Sirius mumbled, so low and fast that, had Remus been human, he would not have heard. But as it was, he was not human and heard perfectly.

"_What_?" He spit furiously, in a deadly low voice. "_Explain yourself_."

Sirius bowed his head.

"It was an accident. I…he was taunting me. About you. And I. I mean, about us. He said we were animals. And I thought…_Oh, God!_ I thought he knew! I thought that I was warning him away, not bringing him closer! I didn't mean to tell him. _Oh God…oh God…_"Sirius was racked with broken sobs, his face hidden.

And Remus, in all his goodness, in all his bravery, in all his fairness and love and optimism, could not see how this could get better and walked away from his crying friend.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys! I know it's only been like...a day since the last update, but I'm on a roll!

Disc- Not mine. The song belongs to The Easties- not the esties. That is a typo! The charaters and anything else you recognize belong to the wonderful JKR!

* * *

_I don't care _

_You don't care _

_I do know _

_You're angry _

_You don't care _

_I don't care _

_Who are you? _

_Just like me?_

_Am I you? _

_You are me _

_I do know _

_You're angry _

_You don't care _

_I don't care _

_Who are you? _

_Like me?_

* * *

It wasn't like Remus could go too far. They were in detention and would be stuck there for the better part of the night. But the fact of the matter was, Remus had left. Stood and walked away and was now absently brushing cobwebs from the corners. Sirius watched him through foggy eyes, almost angry. Suddenly, Remus whirled around.

"It _was_ an accident," he said. It was not a question but a restatement of what Sirius had already claimed to be true.

"Yes," Sirius said hopefully.

"Sirius…I can't hate you," Remus said pensively. "But I need to ask you to fix this."

Sirius stared at him. How in Merlin's name would he accomplish such an impossible task? Short of memory charms (wholly illegal, most especially for underage wizards) he could think of no way to remedy the situation he had created.

"I'll try," he finally amended and Remus gave him a small smile. To his immense surprise, Remus suddenly had his arms around him, hugging him fiercely. Sirius smiled.

* * *

"We could have you talk to him, convince him that I'm just insane," Sirius suggested the next day. He was a bit panicked. The full moon was now only a night away and he had yet to repair the damage.

Remus shook his head with a sigh.

"S'no good. He already thinks that." Sirius gave a low growl.

"What then?" He asked angrily.

"I don't know! I'm not the one who told him!" Remus snapped. Sirius growled and threw himself from Remus's bed where he had been lounging, before beginning to pace.

"You weren't there! You didn't hear how he said it. I was so sure…I thought he knew! Don't keep throwing this at me Remus!"

He was almost pleased at the shocked look on Remus's face, before feeling guilty. Remus was just as stressed as he. After all, his secret and freedom where on the line, as well as Severus's life.

"I'm sorry," Remus sighed, putting his head down on the bed dejectedly.

"Hey, it's nothing," Sirius said quickly, sitting back down. "We'll think of something."

"We could tell Dumbledore," Remus finally whispered.

"No," Sirius said firmly.

"Why not?" Remus asked indignantly.

"The last thing I need is to drag an authority in on this. We're not supposed to know, Remus! And this…this thing, between us, isn't all together normal! No, we can't pull in an adult."

Remus was so stunned at this argument that he didn't even make a rebuttal. _'This thing, between us.'_ As far as Remus knew, there wasn't _a thing_ between them.

Remus?" Sirius asked hesitantly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean…between us, I meant…what we are…. Separately, but similarly. I mean…I'm sorry." He stumbled awkwardly. Remus gave a small smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"S'alright, Padfoot. I knew what you meant." Sirius gave a great sigh of relief.

"So no Dumbledore. What else have you got?" he asked Sirius, who threw himself down onto the floor with a great thump.

"Absolutely nothing," he mumbled.

* * *

James couldn't help but hear the thump as he walked up the stairs from dinner. Sirius and Remus had opted to stay behind, and James was so weary of their newly repaired friendship that he hadn't even asked why. But now, there were strange noises issuing from the room and he was not quite certain he wanted to go in there. He and Peter shared a _look_ and then pushed the door open together.

Remus took one look at their faces and burst into laughter. Sirius, from his awkward viewpoint on the floor, glared up at them in mock annoyance. Remus however, seemed to welcome the interruption.

They still hadn't told the other's what was going on. Remus feared that James coupled with Sirius would lead to disastrous results (namely- memory charms), while Sirius couldn't bare the thought of James knowing how close he had come to betraying them all. Plus, he was kind of enjoying the alone time with Remus.

"What's been going on?" James asked in a voice that suggested he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Remus smiled blandly.

"Oh, nothing," he said, amazing himself that he could be so nonchalant about an event such as this. Both his and Severus's lives were on the line, and yet, he was almost relaxed. Somehow, he was convinced they would manage to fix it.

"Then, uh…Pete and I will just be leaving now…" James said, ineptly maneuvering Peter out of the room. He shut the door very firmly behind him.

Remus laughed.

"Back to work," Sirius moaned from the ground. Remus nodded.

* * *

"We could always say that it was a prank, meant to scare him," Sirius suggested suddenly. Remus looked at him incredulously. What with the full moon being only hours away, their ideas were getting more and more desperate, as well as ridiculous.

"And how, pray tell, would that work?" Remus spat angrily. Sirius shriveled slightly.

"I dunno…we could let him get down by the tree and then James and I could haul him away…convince him that we just wanted the tree to murder him…but we decided against it…"

Remus gave him a dry look.

"I'm so sure that will work," he snapped. Tempers were high, and though Sirius couldn't exactly blame Remus, he couldn't quite keep his voice totally level when he answered.

"_I_ thought so," he snapped. Remus looked at him, then stood abruptly.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked in a sudden panic. Remus glared at him.

"To the nurses," he hissed, before storming from the room. His black robes billowed around him ominously.

"Oh no," Sirius moaned, pushing his head back against the cushion of the chair. James walked over uncertainly.

"Sirius, we have to be getting ready to go…he'll need us in an hour-"

"We can't, James, something terrible has happened!" Sirius blurted. "I acci- I told Snape about the Whomping Willow. As a…prank. I just wanted the tree to hurt him, but I think he's found a way to get into it and I'm afraid. Remus…Remus knows. We've been trying to come up with some way to stop him…but…well, obviously…" Sirius gestured hopelessly, daring to dream that James would believe that it was a prank.

"Sirius, _how could you_? Remus's life is on the line! And Snape's!" James sputtered indignantly, his glasses slipping down his nose. He pushed them up impatiently and ran a hand through his hair, mussing it even more.

"I'm sorry James. I didn't think-"

"Obviously," James snapped. "_**PETER**_!" He screeched suddenly, bringing the round boy barreling down the stairs at a speed that could certainly not be considered healthy.

"What is it James? Who died?" Peter gasped, still pulling a shirt on.

"This…git…" he gestured feebly at Sirius. "Told Snape about the Willow. We've got to do something."

"Oh Lord…." Peter gasped softly. He looked terribly pale.

"We're wasting time!" Sirius said angrily. "We don't know when Snape was planning on going down there, but we need to do something now. It was a terrible prank, I know, but I need you guys to help me. I have an…idea…"

**"_THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?_"** James yelled exasperatedly, throwing his hands into the air without reservation. Several people looked at him, but, upon seeing his beet-red face, they quickly looked away.

"Look, I…it doesn't matter!" Sirius said quickly. He glanced at his watch. They were going to be late. It was twenty minutes to the willow at a run, and Remus would be transforming in the next few minutes. If Severus had been watching the tree to see when Remus went down into it, he would have had to wait for Madame Pomfrey to come back up before he could follow. They needed to leave, now!

"James, you need to pull him away. Convince hi- _tell_ him I was trying to get him hurt. Peter, transform and go to Remus. He can't be alone tonight. I'll try to manhandle Snape away, but James, you have to talk to him, convince him not to go in there. Well?" He said, seeing them staring at him, motionless. "Let's go!"

They burst into action, tearing from the common room. From behind an armchair, Lily Evans turned and peered at the running boys. She knew that it was none of her business. She knew that people already thought her a nosy, teacher's pet, know-it-all. But somehow, she knew that she needed to talk to a teacher.

* * *

They barreled onto the front lawn, noting that the moon was all ready high in the sky. Severus was nowhere in sight. Sirius checked his watch in fear.

"We're too late!" he gasped. James slapped him, hard across the back of his head.

"Peter, transform and stop the tree. Get to Remus," he commanded, ignoring Sirius's sputters of offence. Peter did so at once. Sirius and James rushed after him, watching as his gray tail and red eyes disappeared. He was traveling much faster than they were.

The tunnel to Remus had never seemed so long, nor had they ever ran so fast down it. They could hear him ahead, howling. Peter was obviously having trouble controlling him.

James was running so fast, he ran headlong into Snape.

"Snape! Don't, you can't go in there!" He gasped, pulling at Severus's arm and trying to force him away from the door.

"Potter!" Snape sneered. "Why aren't you in there with the rest of your little friends? I knew there was something going on to night, and now I have proof!" Suddenly, another howl rose passed the door, a haunting, searching melody, which changed suddenly into a sharp, hunting bark. _They had been smelt._

Suddenly, before James could even think, Padfoot had brushed passed them and into the room. Snape didn't even notice the grim-like dog slipping passed. His face had gone from gleeful to full of fear and his beetle black eyes were narrowed at the door.

"That's not a human in there," he said quietly, and pushed at the door with reckless abandonment. The door, loose as it was from Padfoot pushing against it, came open easily.

James felt a fear boil within him like none he'd ever felt before. He'd often seen Remus in his werewolf form but never had he been so exposed. Padfoot was nowhere to be seen, but suddenly the door slammed shut and James was certain it was Padfoot's doing. He sealed the door quickly and began to drag Snape away, knowing the his charm wouldn't last long against a werewolf.

"Werewolf!" gasped Snape suddenly. "That can't be allowed! When my head of house hears about this-"

"Be _thankful_ you're alive, Snape!" James snapped, latching onto his arm with one quidditch-strengthened hand and pulling him along. "And I can assure you, your head of house is well aware of it!"

Snape gaped at him, then pulled his arm away roughly.

"Don't stop!" James gasped, pulling at him. Snape stumbled along. Behind him, he heard the splintering of wood and knew the door had come down. They ran quicker and then, suddenly, just ahead, James saw the impossible.

"Keep going!" Rumbled the deep voice of Albus Dumbledore, whose wand was out. The twinkle was gone from his eye. In fact, in the dark shadows of the tunnel, they almost seemed to be glowing, an intense, inhuman blue. Power radiated from him. James didn't stop to question. He threw himself around Dumbledore, pulling Snape's limp form with him. He glanced back. Snape seemed petrified. His legs barely moved and his eyes were glazed over.

Behind James, Dumbledore blasted a spell James had never heard before. The force of it rocked the tunnel; he and Snape went flying forward. When he'd regained his footing, he noticed that Snape was completely out of it. He had passed out. A dark stain was spreading across the front of his robes. Avoiding looking at this, James hauled the sallow skinned man up the tunnel as best he could. When he stumbled out, he saw, to his immense surprise, Lily Evans.

"James!" She gasped. "Severus!" She screeched, seeing his prone form. Quickly, she ushered them from beneath the trees attacking branches. Madame Pomfrey was there as well and she quickly began to tend to the still boy. Without being asked, Lily pushed James down onto the grass and began to question his well-being.

"How are you? Does anything hurt? Did you break anything?"

He stared at her dumbly.

"James?"

"I'm fine," he finally said. "Not even a scratch."

"Where're the others?" She asked.

"There were no others," he said quickly, and though she stared penetratingly at him, he said no more. To his surprise, she did not rat him out to Madame Pomfrey. Instead, she hugged him quickly and fixed his glasses. He hadn't even noticed they'd broken.

"Miss Evans," Dumbledore said gravely behind them. She looked up quickly at him. "I expect you are confused. As soon as Mr. Snape has been fixed up a bit, I will explain to you both. James." He turned to him solemnly. "Find Mr. Black and Mr. Pettigrew. Though as far as I can tell, they are not part of this, I daresay that they were. Is that right?"

"Yes sir," James said quietly. "Sirius was. Peter…knew what was going on, but he's really not involved."

"And why is it that only you came down to assist Mr. Snape?" Dumbledore asked seriously. "Ms. Evans swore she'd seen all three of you leave."

"Professor, sir," Lily started, and then stopped. She didn't know what to say. Dumbledore held his hand up for silence and looked penetratingly at James.

"They came down, Sir," he said truthfully. Then, avoiding his eyes, he quickly lied. "We were afraid that Re- the werewolf had scented him, and gotten out already. We were planning for the worst. They went to search the edge of the forest. In case…Snape had…" He stopped but Dumbledore swallowed his hesitation as emotion and patted him on the shoulder.

"It was very noble of you, to think of the worst and investigate it accordingly. Lily, James…twenty points will be awarded to each of you for your insight." Lily gasped slightly.

"He's awake, Headmaster!" Came Madame Pomfrey's shout suddenly.

They hurried over. Snape looked much better. He was clean and dry. Plus, his angry, sallow expression was back. James never thought he'd say it, but he was relieved to see it.

"Are you aware that there's a werewolf in _your_ school?" He spat with such venom that James half expected to drop over dead.

"Werewolf?" Lily gasped incredulously. Snape rounded on her.

"Evans?"

She mumbled something about it being a long story, and wishing she'd just gone to bed. Snape snorted.

"Likewise," he agreed dryly.

"Mr. Snape, Miss Evans, please follow me. Mr. Potter, round up your friends and meet us in my office." He turned on his heel and left. James stared after him.

Dumbledore was a mysterious man. James often got the feeling he could see right into his soul with those twinkling eyes. And he knew that it wasn't all together impossible. Remus had once ran across a book entitled Legilimens and How It Works, and had pointed out that he often felt as though Dumbledore was looking into his mind. But if Dumbledore possessed that talent, then why had he not seen through James's lies? Why hadn't he looked into James's heart and seen that he was an animagus? And if he had, why was he letting them off?

James transformed quickly, banishing these confusing thoughts from his mind. It was excruciatingly hard to reach the knot in the tree's base now, but he did it and slid into the tunnel. When he reached the shack, he saw a sight he'd never thought he'd see before.

Remus the werewolf, Moony, was lying perfectly still and calm. He was _asleep_. Never before had he slept during the floor moon. Padfoot and Wormtail stood protectively over him, Wormtail clinging to Padfoot's thick, bushy ears. Padfoot whined in greeting to Prongs and conveyed, through a series of whines and body movements, that Dumbledore's spell had brought about this change in Moony.

_He didn't see us_, Padfoot expressed to Prongs, who nodded and ushered them towards the door with his antlers. They stared at him. Prongs threw up his antlers in slight disgust and pushed them out the door. Padfoot whined and growled menacingly, but Prongs pushed him out all the same. Finally, they emerged into the night air.

"Dumbledore wants to see us," he said after transforming back. The other two boys stared at him and they began the long walk to the headmaster's office, James explaining his cover story.

* * *

Lily sat in the office, scared to death. It wasn't like she'd never been here before. She had, many times. Not for anything exciting, mind. Once was when all the prefects got in a fistfight during a meeting and the head boy and girl had pulled them apart. And she had simply been caught in the middle of that. She hadn't even thrown a proper punch, even when the Hufflepuff creep had used the kerfuffle as an excuse to feel her up. Another time was when her sister Petunia had accidentally sat on her owl and Lily had somehow managed to explode her from halfway across the continent. But really, Lily had never been there for something quite so serious, and though she had been rewarded, she couldn't help but be worried.

When the other three boys walked in, Lily watched them with wide eyes. Peter and Sirius looked ragged and mangy. There were several cuts on their arms and legs. Sirius had a deep stain spreading across his chest, while Peter's ear was bleeding profusely. Compared to them, Lily suddenly felt frivolous and impractical in her matching nightgown and slippers.

"Sit down, boys," Dumbledore said kindly. "Let's here what you have to say. Severus, I think it would be appropriate to start with you."

"Black tried to _kill_ me!" Snape sputtered. "He tricked me! He made it sound like there was something going on tonight and lured me under the Whomping Willow and I could have been killed!"

"Severus, what Sirius did was horrible and wrong. But why did you listen to him? You're a smart boy! Why did you do something so irresponsible? Ten points from Slytherin!"

"He tricked me! He didn't just…tell me how to get down there! He set it all up. He made it into a…puzzle. Like he accidentally told me, and of course, I figured out what he meant, I'm intelligent! He presented only some of the facts to me and he did it on purpose!" Snape sputtered crossly.

"It sounds to me like Sirius didn't mean to tell you," Dumbledore said softly. "Have you stopped to consider that what he said wasn't an act?"

Sirius took a great breath in. It would be perfect, he thought, if only he could say that was what had happened. Because that was. But he'd already told James that he had been playing a prank and there was no way to reverse that. He'd thought, when he'd set it up like that, that he was protecting Remus. If it was known that Remus had known and done nothing, he would most certainly be expelled, while Sirius would get off practically free. Sirius couldn't do that to him.

"It _was_ a prank," he said suddenly. "But it wasn't meant to kill you. It was mean…to hurt you. And not Remus. I never meant to tell you how to get into the tree. I just wanted you to think that something was going on _by_ the tree, so that you'd get attacked."

Dumbledore looked at him piercingly. Sirius closed his eyes and looked at the ground, ashamed.

"That was very, very wrong of you Sirius. _Seventy_ points from Gryffindor. And you will not be attending any of the Quidditch matches, any of the Hogsmeade weekends, nor any of the feasts. During those times, you will be up here, with myself or Professor McGonagall. And I should think that you'll need a few detentions to go along with it."

"But Professor," Lily spoke up suddenly. "I don't understand. Are you saying that Remus…is a werewolf?"

Dumbledore sighed, a weary, sad sound that filled the entire room.

"Yes, Lily. Unfortunately, Remus Lupin had been cursed. It is not something to be scared of, nor to prosecute. He cannot control himself during the full moon. He cannot fight off what happens. It is a sad, sad thing, when anyone, youth most especially, is subjected to this kind of inner-turmoil." Lily stared at him. A single tear slipped from her right eye.

" I wont tell a soul," she said.

"Of course not, dear," he said, patting her on the shoulder. "Severus, you must vow never to speak of this, to anyone."

He glared at Dumbledore.

"_Why should I_?" He mumbled with anger. Dumbledore sprang from his seat, anger emitting from him like heat. He leaned forward on his desk and stared straight into Severus's eyes, who shrank from him in fear.

"I promise that I will never tell anyone what has happened tonight," he vowed. James gave a small, weary smile. He knew that Dumbledore's powers were strong and that it was likely that Lily and Severus were now magically bound to their word.

"Miss Evans, will you pick up your end of the story?" Dumbledore said pleasantly. Lily stared at his abrupt change in character.

"Well, I heard them talking," she said, casting an apologetic glance at the three Marauders. "It wasn't any of my business, but from what I'd heard…I was afraid someone was going to be killed. When I went to McGonagall's office, Professor Dumbledore was there." She nodded in his direction. "I didn't say who I'd heard talking. I just said that I thought someone was going to be hurt, down by the Whomping Willow. Before I'd even finished talking, we were running down there. McGonagall went to get Madame Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore went in after you. He…stayed in there a long time. Madame Pomfrey came before he came back. James and Severus came out and…well…here we are…"

"James?" Dumbledore prompted.

"Sirius told me what had happened. He was afraid that Snape had taken it the wrong way and had figured out how to get underneath the tree, so we hurried down. Sirius and Peter went into the forest…just in case, and I went into the tunnel. We got down there and I tried to pull Snape away, I did! But he saw M- Remus before I could get him away. And then we were running and you were there, Headmaster! And you shot some spell and we were pitched forward and Snape…well…" he glanced uneasily in Snape's direction. "He collapsed, so I dragged him the rest of the way."

"Peter?"

"We went into the forest. We got…lost…and then James came and found us…I guess we were looking in the wrong place," Peter lied with his eyes downcast. Dumbledore nodded.

"I suggest that you all head down to the hospital wing and sleep down there. Go on. Sirius, Peter, you will both need to be cleaned up a bit," Dumbledore instructed. They walked dejectedly from the room.

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered to them. He turned to Snape. "Truly, I am." Snape narrowed his eyes and him and turned, robes billowing around him. He stomped off down the hall. The others glanced at Sirius. James put an arm around his shoulder and Lily took his hand, leading him down the hall like a lost child. Observing him, James thought he looked trapped in his own head, unable to get out.

"What'll we do about Remus?" Peter finally asked quietly.

"He won't be mad at me," Sirius said in an even softer voice. Lily glanced at him confusedly.

"We'll explain in the morning, Lily," James muttered tiredly. Sirius blinked a few times at this, as did Peter, but they didn't complain. Lily nodded and then kept her eyes on the ground.

"Tomorrow, Padfoot," James said softly. "In the tomorrow, it will look better."


	6. Chapter 6

To StrawberriRain and Dancing in Daydreams- thanks, I'm glad you like it! 

To god- umm, thanks, I think.

To Desiree K Troy- Lord, thank you! I'm so sick of people telling me my story's good without telling me what's wrong with it! I know you said you were not going to continue reading this story and probably won't see this, but I'd like to ask if you'd be willing to beta for me. I need someone like you to show me how to become a better writer.

This is dedicated, with my utmost sincerity, to my best friend, who has done more for me than she can know, who inspires me to write about other best friends, and who will likely never see this. : ) You keep me going, Lizbo.

It's incredibly short, I know. Sorry about that.

_We are dirt_

_We are alone_

_You know we're far from sober?_

_We are fake_

_We are afraid_

_You know it's far from over_

_We are dirt_

_We are alone_

_You know we're far from sober?_

_Look closer_

_Are you like me?_

_Are you ugly?_

---

"I don't understand. He'll be mad, won't he?"

"You really don't understand, do you?"

"Well, if you'll just explain to me-"

"Quiet, you'll wake him!"

Remus opened his eyes warily. He _hurt_. He attempted to maneuver himself into a sitting position but found he could barely move his arms, let alone support his body weight on them. Suddenly, a cool hand smoothed back his hair.

"Don't move," said Madame Pomfrey's voice gently. "You're in a lot of pain, I know. Just take this potion, it'll help."

Remus groaned and swallowed the potion with difficulty. If the pain in his extremities were any indication, there must be something terribly wrong, something extended from his normal post-transformation injuries.

"What happened?" he rasped. Madame Pomfrey made a tsking noise and avoided his eyes.

"There was a bit of an accident," she said hesitantly.

"Accident? Black tried to kill me!"

"Shhh!"

"Severus?" At a happier time, Remus would have dreaded seeing Severus in the hospital wing after a transformation. Now, however, he was strangely pleased. If Severus was talking then it meant that he hadn't been killed. And if he was blaming Sirius, then Remus must not have bitten him.

"I think," Madame Pomfrey intervened skillfully, seeing Severus prop himself up on his bed. "That Dumbledore should talk to you about all this."

"Right," Severus muttered, slumping back into his bed, a sour look across his features. "_Precious_ Dumbledore will fix it all."

"That's enough out of you," Madame Pomfrey snapped, swooping towards Severus and picking up a goblet off his bedside table. "I see you never took your potion last night."

Severus looked away, sullen but not willing to say anything else. Madame Pomfrey began to coax him into taken his medicine. Amused, Remus looked away. Sirius caught his eye. He, James, Peter, and (to Remus's surprise) Lily Evans were gathered around his bed.

"She kept us all overnight for shock," Peter said.

James saw Remus's nervous shifting and glanced at Lily. "Oh, yes. Um, well, about that Remus. Lily, well, she knows, but it's okay, she's doesn't care and she's not going to tell anyone! So, um, that's fine, and-"

"Fine? So _two_ people discovered my secret last night? That's _lovely_. Please, tell me, what else happened last night?"

"I told them about the prank," Sirius said quietly. He looked piercingly at Remus, who didn't protest.

"So I transformed," Peter said. "And went ahead to get to you."

"But-" Lily said suddenly.

"Look, Lily, its complicated, all right?" James snapped.

"They're animagus, Lily. They stay with me when I transform," Remus divulged calmly. She gapped at him, then at the others.

"_Really_? Wow!" she gasped. The marauders shushed her ineloquently, and she quieted with difficulty.

"You can't tell anyone," James told her sternly.

"Of course," Lily whispered quietly. "But you could have seriously hurt yourselves! I can't believe…it's amazing…" She bit her lip, seemingly torn between the desire to reprimand them and her astonishment at the feat. James grinned slightly, looking a bit cocky.

Remus allowed him a second or two to gaze at Lily before breaking in. "Yes, well," he prompted.

"Oh. So anyway, we came down, and Peter transformed," James said hastily.

"And then James and I tried to catch up with Snape," Sirius said, lowering his voice and glancing over his shoulder. "We saw him about the time that he heard you."

"I remember smelling you," Remus said, catching the look of surprise of Lily's face. He smiled reassuringly at her.

"Yeah, well, I transformed, to help Peter," Sirius said.

"And I tried to drag Snape out of there. And then Dumbledore was there-"

"I'd sent him," Lily said quickly.

"And he shot some kind of spell off and we got out all right, but, apparently the spell did something to you," James said, a note of apology in his voice. He avoided looking at Remus.

"It put you to sleep," Sirius explained.

"And that's bad?" Lily asked. "Wouldn't that make the experience better?"

"In theory, it would, Ms. Evans," said a serene voice. They jumped, and then turned to see Dumbledore. "However, it takes a lot out of the receiver of the spell. As you can see, Mr. Lupin has slept all day and is clearly in a lot of pain. I used it only because it was absolutely necessary. Very sorry, Remus."

"S'alright," mumbled Remus, who wished, at that moment, that he could strangle Dumbledore.

"I see that you have all ready been filled in," Dumbledore said conversationally, pulling two chocolates out of his pocket, unwrapping one, and offering it to Remus.

"Yes, sir," Remus managed to say, once he'd swallowed the savory milk chocolate. "They told me what happened." Remus took a bite out of another chocolate piece.

"But left out, I assume, the punishments involved?" Dumbledore said offhandedly.

"I'm being punished?" Remus asked, accidentally dribbling some chocolate down his chin.

"Not quite, Remus," Dumbledore said soothingly. "I fail to see how you could be held responsible for your friend's irresponsibility. Unless, of course, you knew of his prank on Mr. Snape and did nothing to stop it." Dumbledore looked at him swiftly. Remus looked away.

"I can assure you that I didn't," Remus said. _Not try to stop it._

"Well, then, I'll leave Mr. Black to tell you what fate he shall suffer," Dumbledore, said pleasantly, turning on his heel and striding out of the room.

"You knew, didn't you Remus?" Lily said accusingly. "It could have all been stopped before it ever started, if you'd just had the guts to turn Sirius in. But _no_! You wouldn't want to rat out the friend who'd just _betrayed_ you!"

"You don't understand, Lily," Peter said quietly.

"I asked him not to," Sirius said suddenly. He stood up. "Because it's very complicated. Snape…and the prank…and everything…it all comes back to the fact that I love Remus and he doesn't understand that, or even know that, but I do. I want to be with him every day for the rest of my life and I want the whole world to know that we're more than just friends."

Remus felt a hot, swooping pleasure fill him, though he struggled to maintain his composure. Lily looked confused, as though she failed to see when Sirius had stopped talking to her and starting addressing Remus.

"I don't under-"

"_Shhh_," James whispered, placing a hand on her arm. She fell silent.

"Really?" Remus asked Sirius. "You…love me?"

"I love you," Sirius said, passionately. "You do love me, don't you?"" He asked suddenly, becoming such a violent shade of pink that Remus thought he might explode. Sirius fidgeted nervously. "I mean-"

"I love you too Sirius," Remus said, reaching forward. Sirius caught his hand and leaned ever so sweetly over the bed. His lips caught Remus's in a gentle kiss. He pulled back, staring deeply into Remus's eyes, never taking his hand from Remus's.

Slowly and with some difficulty, Remus lifted his head towards Sirius and met him in another kiss. There was an indignant sputter behind them.

"Excuse me! That's not - I mean- my patient needs rest and - this really shouldn't be happening - not in my wing - that is - you're overexerting my patient!"

"Poppy," Dumbledore said quietly, appearing, it seemed, out of thin air. He led her quietly away, ignoring her stammering, fondly looking back at the group.

Remus barely acknowledged Dumbledore's presence. He knew was that, despite how perfect, how easy, how _beautiful_ this moment seemed, it wouldn't stay like this. Life would get ugly again soon enough. But at the moment, he didn't care.

_Finished_


End file.
